Showing posts with label past is past. Show all posts
Showing posts with label past is past. Show all posts

Monday, January 21, 2013

happy birthday in heaven

it has been three years since my aboeji return to heaven and i am missing him badly. aboeji has been really good to me and to my brother and mom too. aboeji provide me everything i needed at school and even at home and made sure that me and my brother will surely have a great future. 
learning that he will no longer be with us for the rest of our life no matter how tough all the days we've been through  we continue to live with the values aboeji taught us. although i didnt exactly learned the things he wanted me to learn (a female should learn) at least somehow im trying my best to do it and in no time i will make it too. (aboeji i learned how to cook rice and dukbokki!) (well at least aboeji accepted the fact before he went home to heaven that his first and second born are females:)) i learned from mom that aboeji wanted a son!
i know that more than any traditional offerings, our prayers will make everything for the soul of  our beloved aboeji. indeed prayers matter most. if i did not pray everyday i dont know how to understand and accept this truth. thus, it is difficult to be strong, independent, open-minded and principled when you are hurt.

we miss you aboeji! saranghe! 

Sunday, November 4, 2012

this is how we celebrate undas 2012

undas is a filipino term for all souls day. a day to remember our love ones who were already passed away. 

i dont know where this tradition started and the belief that the souls of a dead person return each year to visit their living relative to eat, drink and be merry . as for me going to cemetery  has been part of my family tradition. every November each year since i was a kid we used to go to cemetery to visit my younger brother and other relatives who have departed. we usually bring colorful scented candles and fresh flowers and choclates and foods that our love ones favorite when they are still alive. Mom used to tell me that its not only the dead people we are being remembered but also the good memories that they shared with us. We enjoyed this occasion because its also the time when our families spend time together and reminiscing the events which we enjoyed the most. a sort of simple little family reunion exist every november 1. 

for the past three years it wasnt only for my younger brother that we're in the cemetery but also for my big sister and papa. and i guess everybody will agree to me that loosing your father and your big sister on the very same year was the saddest part of ones life. Letting go is very hard but time and prayer and strong personality and making yourself busy really heals and its not hard to bear anymore after all we are all going. so instead of crying and getting lonely for the past three years me and my brother used to decorate papa's grave site with this:

and for my big sister with this :) 

we really prefer pink candles and blue candles for both of them. its their favorite color. but dont ask me who do the flower arrangement and all im not a florist.

two fatherless kids open for adoption! hahaha

who would have thought that they will go on the same year living me and my younger brother fatherless and my mom a widow? 


sinong ampon sating tatlo?

but no matter how hard it is to live without a father we try to live on our own and no matter how tough the day was we sure to make it through! that's tough! 




thank you to all my relatives and friends for offering my father and sister and little brother a prayer , flowers and candles. Until the next undas!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

kami ni crayola

One of the memories that I will always have about when I was in Kindergarten, was the day my friend taught me about crayon boxes. She was my first real friend, and my best friend at the time. One day we were coloring, and she let me borrow crayons from her huge 64-count box. I thought they were so cool. My little 24-count box was nothing compared to hers.

As we were coloring, I reached over to put a crayon back in the box. If any of you have ever used crayons, you know that sometimes they don't go back in as easy as they came out, and that sometimes you end up with a huge bulge in the box. Well, that's what happened with this particular crayon.

I kept trying to force back in the box so it would fit, and my friend didn't like that too much, since it was her crayon box. She started throwing a fit and I remember her yelling, "Don't force it!" Then she continued to give me a demonstration on how you push the other crayons out of the way to make room for the other one going back into the box.

As we were growing up, we continued to stay good friends in grade school. I remember always teasing her about it, and she said she never remembered that day really, but I know it really happened, because I think it was the first time she ever yelled at me.

When we entered high school, things started to change, like they most often do. We still talked when we got the chance, but we started to make our own friends. We've stayed in touch, always saying hi in the halls and everything, but we weren't the same best friends we were in Kindergarten.
In my fourth year, things really started to change for me. So many different things happened, I felt like I was lost in the world. I didn't know what to do or who I could turn to.

Then one day my friend came to my locker after school because she saw that I had been crying after spending the afternoon in the guidance office. She asked me what was wrong and I knew I could trust her, so I told her everything that was going on in my life. I told her this in a 7 page note and gave it to her in school.

A couple periods later she had stopped me in the halls and gave me a note and told me how she understood and everything. She wrote me and told me how I just need some time for things to get worked out, and that everything will be okay. At the end of the note, she wrote one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. She wrote at the end: "I'll give you the same advice I gave you back when we were in Kindergarten: Don't Force It!"

When I read that it put a smile on my face, the first smile that I had cracked in awhile. I told her that I appreciated the note totally. It's funny that out of all the things people have said to me and tried to help me, those words she wrote in the note were the most inspirational.

It's weird that 18 years later the advice she had given me in kindergarten would help me out so much now. She can't give me a demonstration on how to push things away, like the crayons, but she made me open up my eyes, just like she did when she yelled at me in kindergarten.