happy birthday in heaven

it has been three years since my aboeji return to heaven and i am missing him badly. aboeji has been really good to me and to my brother and mom too. aboeji provide me everything i needed at school and even at home and made sure that me and my brother will surely have a great future. 

learning that he will no longer be with us for the rest of our life no matter how tough all the days we've been through  we continue to live with the values aboeji taught us. although i didnt exactly learned the things he wanted me to learn (a female should learn) at least somehow im trying my best to do it and in no time i will make it too. (aboeji i learned how to cook rice and dukbokki!) (well at least aboeji accepted the fact before he went home to heaven that his first and second born are females:)) i learned from mom that aboeji wanted a son!

i know that more than any traditional offerings, our prayers will make everything for the soul of  our beloved aboeji. indeed prayers matter most. if i did not pray everyday i dont know how to understand and accept this truth. thus, it is difficult to be strong, independent, open-minded and principled when you are hurt.

we miss you aboeji! saranghe! 

this is how we celebrate undas 2012

undas is a filipino term for all souls day. a day to remember our love ones who were already passed away. 

i dont know where this tradition started and the belief that the souls of a dead person return each year to visit their living relative to eat, drink and be merry . as for me going to cemetery  has been part of my family tradition. every November each year since i was a kid we used to go to cemetery to visit my younger brother and other relatives who have departed. we usually bring colorful scented candles and fresh flowers and choclates and foods that our love ones favorite when they are still alive. Mom used to tell me that its not only the dead people we are being remembered but also the good memories that they shared with us. We enjoyed this occasion because its also the time when our families spend time together and reminiscing the events which we enjoyed the most. a sort of simple little family reunion exist every november 1. 

for the past three years it wasnt only for my younger brother that we're in the cemetery but also for my big sister and papa. and i guess everybody will agree to me that loosing your father and your big sister on the very same year was the saddest part of ones life. Letting go is very hard but time and prayer and strong personality and making yourself busy really heals and its not hard to bear anymore after all we are all going. so instead of crying and getting lonely for the past three years me and my brother used to decorate papa's grave site with this:

and for my big sister with this :) 

we really prefer pink candles and blue candles for both of them. its their favorite color. but dont ask me who do the flower arrangement and all im not a florist.

two fatherless kids open for adoption! hahaha

who would have thought that they will go on the same year living me and my younger brother fatherless and my mom a widow? 

sinong ampon sating tatlo?

but no matter how hard it is to live without a father we try to live on our own and no matter how tough the day was we sure to make it through! that's tough! 

thank you to all my relatives and friends for offering my father and sister and little brother a prayer , flowers and candles. Until the next undas!

bday without you

im going to celebrate my 25th birthday tomorrow ate but lawrence and i dont know how to celebrate it without you. do you like the roses? we bought them from the flower shop. the confetti props well that's my idea. hope you like them too. today is sunday and we havent been to church. we woke up very late but were going to visit ina this afternoon. mom and papa are okay. mom told me i should stop crying because its bad but i just cant stop my tears from falling. do you have any idea how? i know its weird and i shouldnt ask you like this but this is my avenue to lighten up. hope you understand me. im not used to it. i have my card back ive been really good lately. i told mom im quiting school and she said its ok but i promised her to make my MS soon. I just cant comply to the university lately i am too much busy with everything that i have to miss the online class. i lost another havaianas ate. i dont know how but the last time i saw the slippers was when we're celebrating your 4oth day. my things are easily gone and papa told me not to look for them anymore we can buy another one soon. i dont know if we can afford to have the wifi back papa decided to limit the internet speed to 1mbps and i cant even play the mafia this time. we're on a tight budget lately. i ask them why they told me things are not going the way they used to be so were not spending too much for nonsense this time. but im still receiving my monthly subsidy and since i dont have the powers for my savings account lately havent touched them for quite long. well tomorrow we dont have any plans yet. but today a box of pizza, a bottle of coke and spaghetti and sundae will do. with regards to the big kuya's and big ate's well they are on tight monitoring of me. i will visit you more often.