In your first three months up there I have done a lot of inhaling and exhaling and crying until I was exhausted and when I wake up it was time to go to work again.
I commend all the people you love for letting me be sad for a while. For not cheering me, for not letting me look on the brighter side and for not giving me advice. I know it was awkward that they just stay there and hang out with me while I am in terrible pain. They allowed me to grieve and to cry as much as I wanted.
We always have milk and eggs and bread and cheese and peanut butter for breakfast but dinner is seldom served. You know that we always survive as long as we have the milk right. There were weeks that passed, we didn’t light the stove or even cooked rice.
A lot of times we went to the supermarket just to buy a waste basket and a trash plastic bag and we bought a lot of things we believed we needed but headed home without the waste basket nor the trash bag.
Wanting and missing you is the hardest thing to bear, but we keep ourselves busy and our house is indeed clean. We followed a strict schedule of who will clean the bathroom and the bowl, but I never promised to wash the dishes all the time. I just can’t do that.
Though I have done a lot of adulting lately the kid in me never get off me. Still, I eat vegetables once every eight days because it will crawl in my stomach and give me fever and really the patola and those ampalaya, kalabasa and okra are the hardest to chew. I know pretty well that the milk and yogurt must be chilled but often I have the milk and the yogurt frozen mama.
You are always in my heart. I will never stop loving you even if you are too far away from me. I know that you always see me from there and I am waving back from here. Forgive me for missing and wanting you this much. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed but the pain does get more bearable over time. So for now until we are completely healed, we will always value what we have, work for what we want and face the impending moments and trials with a courageous heart and mind. Love you La’de! Thank you for all the love you have given us while we were growing up and for making it sure that we will make it through life.
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