Sunday, December 2, 2012

it's time to start living in the present

Letting go of the past is not easy, especially if you have wounds that have never properly healed. But, the past is past and living there may be preventing you from fully experiencing the present. Likewise fear of what may be looming around the corner can also prevent you from fully enjoying the present. Live in the moment and look forward to eternity with God, now that's a great present.

i have to live so i can find me. i think i am lost. its more of me time. me time and alone. i dont know if i will ever get myself back. and spending this much will ever give me happiness! and that great present someone had told me come into reality. i miss somebody, i greatly miss papa. i heavenly miss my sister. i miss them. i dont know how on earth i have to endure the sufferings this long. will i ever find the courage to make me whole again?

until next time.

oh be prepare i might drop by! 
ok lang ako adik kasi! para umaarte lang! wala bang karapatan?


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

masama bang ma miss ka?



nahirapan akong hanapin ito sa lahat ng hard disk kong bakit ba kasi sinda pa uso ang USB noong unang panahon. at alam kong alam mo na sa lahat ng friend ko ikaw ang aking pinaka favorite. at kong bakit ba kasi sa dinami dami ng deadline ko ngayon ay bigla lang kitang naalala at nami miss na kita at demoralized ako dahil na mimiss na kita. (dahil sa isang scene sa tv at kakapanood ng tv adik kasi) at saka bakit masama bang ma miss ka? mag ingat ka na nga lang parati. nga pala ate elay di ako natatakot na i pa block mo for life sa google dahil sa pag post nito. 


walang pageedit na naganap dito
ito yong pinaka unang picture talaga na dapat ay ilalagay ko sa front pero mas nahirapan akong mag retrieve nito dahil sa pagkakaalam ko o kong natatandaan ko pa at di ako nagkakamali 10 years na ito sa mga hard disk. i spent the whole night looking for this and before i hit another day luckily  i found it and today is exactly 10 years after i received this in my email. i still have that email posted below. this reminds me of my teenage life the very first time we ever had internet connection at home with a tube monitor on a 256kbps internet speed  with 40G harddisk and the only way to save file is by a floppy disk. (imagine how jurassic and how slow the internet was).


My point here is that no matter how far we are, no matter how many years, no matter how mad you are remember that I am always here for you. As I have said it you’re my favorite and will always be. I will always treasure the kindness and the sisterly love you gave me and my brother. Idol ka namin kasi. Akala mo lang na nakakalimutan kita pero akala mo lang yon dahil ako akala ko lang din.

see that email

You taught me not to cry over spilled milk and to be brave to stand alone, defend my ground , believe in my capacity, to be wise and smart. and more life lesson i dont need to specify that i have learned from you that i will treasure the rest of my life. Although I didn’t exactly made it to Harvard for some unfavorable circumstances I never failed to dream that one day I can make it there. I wish you forever happiness and hoping that one day we will meet again even in the middle of know where even if it takes forever. I will always be forever grateful for being friends with you. My brother said hi and together we said love you for the next ten years ! smile and be safe!

p.s makulit at mabait pa din ako after 10 years!

Monday, November 19, 2012

killua is off to school!


i am off to school.
stuff all packed. battery, cellphone, laptop, mastercard and androids too. i am off to my fourth module. no matter how hard the school days are i am determined to finish this course! i see you before christmas! keep safe! 

its 35 days before christmas!

it's christmas at home

kuya borjack do the decoration
lao funny christmas face!
mom sitting on the chair
its just me! ahahha
me beside the christmas tree!
me again!

me and mom

Sunday, November 4, 2012

this is how we celebrate undas 2012

undas is a filipino term for all souls day. a day to remember our love ones who were already passed away. 

i dont know where this tradition started and the belief that the souls of a dead person return each year to visit their living relative to eat, drink and be merry . as for me going to cemetery  has been part of my family tradition. every November each year since i was a kid we used to go to cemetery to visit my younger brother and other relatives who have departed. we usually bring colorful scented candles and fresh flowers and choclates and foods that our love ones favorite when they are still alive. Mom used to tell me that its not only the dead people we are being remembered but also the good memories that they shared with us. We enjoyed this occasion because its also the time when our families spend time together and reminiscing the events which we enjoyed the most. a sort of simple little family reunion exist every november 1. 

for the past three years it wasnt only for my younger brother that we're in the cemetery but also for my big sister and papa. and i guess everybody will agree to me that loosing your father and your big sister on the very same year was the saddest part of ones life. Letting go is very hard but time and prayer and strong personality and making yourself busy really heals and its not hard to bear anymore after all we are all going. so instead of crying and getting lonely for the past three years me and my brother used to decorate papa's grave site with this:

and for my big sister with this :) 

we really prefer pink candles and blue candles for both of them. its their favorite color. but dont ask me who do the flower arrangement and all im not a florist.

two fatherless kids open for adoption! hahaha

who would have thought that they will go on the same year living me and my younger brother fatherless and my mom a widow? 


sinong ampon sating tatlo?

but no matter how hard it is to live without a father we try to live on our own and no matter how tough the day was we sure to make it through! that's tough! 




thank you to all my relatives and friends for offering my father and sister and little brother a prayer , flowers and candles. Until the next undas!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

let's trick or treat!

Photo's courtesy by google.com 



Do you end up with only one bag full of candy at the end of Halloween? Here's how to end up with two or more! (all text here are from the wikiHow)

1. Think back on last year's Halloween in your neighborhood. Which houses had the best candies, and which had the worst or "so-so" candies? The aim is to bypass those houses only interested in giving out toothbrushes, apples, and granola bars, or those houses where the candies are meted out in small amounts.

A neighborhood with small yards and sidewalks allows you to hit more houses in the allotted time. And apartment complexes with many doors can cut down on walking time.

When assessing who gives out lots of candies, ask friends if they can also come up with such knowledge to allow you to compare notes and target the houses that give the most of the biggest selections. If you're planning with friends, you can also trade later to help even out the candy selection you ultimately receive.

2. Prepare your costume. The quality and fanciness of your costume can affect how many candies you're given. The more interesting, cute, scary, etc., your costume, the more likely that the candy giver will "reward" you for your effort by giving you more candy. Be sure to act in character too, to help complete the effect and totally win over the candy givers.

3. Choose a suitable bag. Use a backpack, a large bag with a drawstring, or a pillowcase to hold all of your trick and treat loot. The bag needs to be easy to carry, able to hold a lot comfortably and strong.

If using a pillowcase and you're concerned it might break or you see it is frayed or even has a hole or two, double it up with another pillowcase.

If possible, also have a smaller basket or container. This will enable you to keep your larger treat bag stashed somewhere safe to return to and refill regularly. Or, if you're in your own street, run home and dump the loot and head out again.

It's recommended that you add a light or reflective tape to your candy bag to help make you more visible after dark.

4. Prepare a map of your intended best candy-giving houses trail. It can be street specific or just a general idea of where to go and where to avoid. This map may help you to keep on track when the foot traffic and parties increase during the night but it can also serve as a reminder of which houses usually have the best candies. Use the map as a reminder of where you went as well, so that you don't back track and waste time or look greedy!

If you're turning up in another suburb known for its amazing candies on Halloween, a map and plan is an absolute must so that you don't get lost.

5. Make a suitable time to start trick or treating. It's best to start early, when the treats are still in plentiful supply in the houses of your neighborhood. Some houses run out early because they're too generous to begin with; you might as well be the first to take advantage of this generosity!

The majority of parents take their young children out at the beginning of sunset, to let the kids have a sufficient time before dark. If you want to start this early, be aware you'll be turning up with the little ones. If you have younger siblings, this can be a good excuse to turn up too, or just offer to take the neighbor's kids with you.
Note that some cities or neighborhoods start to turn off their lights between 8 pm and 10 pm; don't be out treating too late or you'll miss the treats or get the dregs.

Watch the houses that turn off their lights; this is the standard indication that Halloween is over for that household, or that they've run out of goodies.

6. Bring your manners. Grown-ups like manners, it's just the way they're built; accept that being polite will win you more candies than being evasive, gruff, or rude. Compliment the householder on their Halloween decorations. And always say "Trick or Treat?" with a big smile. The evening is about having fun with others; be thoughtful enough to make it seem that each house is worth more than just being a loot filling station!

Avoid lingering at any Halloween parties, haunted houses, or special events. Even though they all look or sound cool, every minute counts while going from house to house in one night. Any obstacle will deter you from your candy goal. Unless you're certain that there is candy to be had at any of these places, consider not even venturing into them. You can always go back and check them out later (mark them on your map).

Don't eat your candies as you're going. The time spent eating them and the sugar high will slow you down!

Double back in a new costume. If you're really keen for more candies, change your costume or mask and return for more. If you do this though, make sure you're not recognizable or the people might refuse to give you anything, or worse, demand that you give back the second lot of candy.

Another tip is to empty your container as often as possible so that it looks as if you've just started treating or as if other people have been stingy; this may encourage people to offer you more candies than if your bucket is full.

7. Form a candy gang. This way more of you can cover greater distances and then share your spoils together. Gather back together at a certain time and place to share or trade candies. Use a trading method on two small candies for a big one or qualities per candy. The trading method works when someone does not like something they got and would like another candy or when they've hit the jackpot and have been given too many of one sort.

When you do go trick or treating as a group, keep the numbers small. It's less overwhelming for the householder to have a few kids on the doorstep, and easier to give out the candies. It's also less likely to result in trading arguments at the end.

If you have a bike and a bike basket, use them. It is quick and easy transportation.

If you have broken a limb, go with the cast showing for sympathy candy. This works best with younger kids or cuter and less scary costumes.

If you have a family member or friend who drives, ask them to pick you up and drop you off in another neighborhood for different results.

While it may be fun to try on getting loads of candy, stay safe while crossing the street or darting in the middle of roads.

If you live very close to a long street with many houses they may all have candy! You can get tons and some may even set bowls of candy outside to take for yourself (if you want to maximize your candy, take the whole bowl – knowing that you're pretty much a meanie doing so).

If you have a sibling or cousin, this is a must. You both go your separate ways for a while but make sure you are both supervised, then when you come back take her on your street so they can give your sibling/cousin candy-and you.

Some people may say you're too old, so have an excuse. A good, believable one would be "I'm just taking my younger brother/sister/cousin." Or laugh it off and say "I'm yet to grow up and I've still got a sweet tooth!"

Wear something flexible so you can go to more houses without being uncomfortable. Try to wear something that reflects in car headlights for safety.

You'll need a backpack to store extra costumes, back-up candy bags, and anything else you want to bring with you.

If you are really desperate for more candies, take along another basket and say it's for your sick friend or sibling. The karma of such a lie rests with you.

If your parents aren't keen on pillowcases leaving the house, buy some cheap from a thrift store.

If it's toward the end of the night, ask them if they think they're going to have leftover candy that will just get thrown out. If they say yes, ask if you can have an extra piece or two. They might even give you three or four. If they overestimated how much they should buy, or it's a rainy night (and there weren't a lot of trick or treaters), they might even give you more! Just remember to be polite when you ask.

If the person lets you grab the candy out of the bucket yourself, put on a sweet voice and ask, 'How many can I get?'.

Donate the extra! You don't have to eat it all yourself!

Warnings!
If you see that the front lights are off, do not ring the doorbell. It means that they're not participating and they might be annoyed by you doing so.

If it is late (after 10pm), do not go to houses with lights off. They may be sleeping or fed up with the trick and treating.

Try and stick together. Bring a friend or two with you for safety.

Don't scare the little kids to get candy, it's mean and is likely to get you into trouble.

Even though its Halloween, don't eat too much candy in one night. it's best that you save some for other nights and, eating too much can get you sick. Keep a stash to enjoy over the upcoming weeks.


Enjoy your trick or treating! Happy Halloween! 

Thursday, October 11, 2012

killua pledge to #icommittodrr


i grow up in a community where roofs and walls are made up of strong materials, where people are busy earning a living, where money has never been an issue and foods are overflowing, where all you have to do is to study your lesson, play and have fun all day and no matter if your place was regularly battered by storms, the destructive forces of typhoon are nothing but a part of history and worst is that you and your brother are overjoyed because in the morning you get your fair share of canned sardines and that's the only time you can ever eat them. 

i have always lived this kind of life, caring for the environment has never been my first priority and i admit that i cant even segregate my own garbage, how much more to the universe and what do you expect from a punk like me? until one day i found myself inside the DRR Team. reading success stories,  listening to drr champions, found myself planting trees in the mountain and mangrove propagules on the sea, visiting depressed communities, witness how they struggle against the different faces of poverty, eat with them, hear their stories and i shared mine then suddenly i realized how pity i was for living that way, always staying inside my comfort zone. so naive about what's happening in the real world. i dont know what motivates me to transform maybe i was touched by those drr videos or was just touched by the reality i had glimpse during those times i was inside a makeshift dilapidated abode  and it just came and i learn to understand it and my eyes get open and i change gradually.


i told myself its time to change. its time to care. its time to open my mind,  its time to live the way i should live and its payback time for those wrong inconsequential stuff i committed. i signed as community facilitator, trained for high angle and life support rescue, read more success stories, research more, participated in all forms of capability building training's and imparted all my learning's to my family,  joined in all clean-up drives, give talks during information education campaign and convince them to reform their historical and inherited way of living and beg them to participate in any DRR event, i have  learned to segregate, planted more trees and now how i love too see  them growing, i teach my young kin's to plant more flowers and paint the walls lively, bought them a whistle and enrolled them in swimming more importantly is that i learned to share with what i have.


i see how my community change, more did i see myself changing  and even that of our local officers from the government i was in, They are committed, effective and accountable DRR planners and implementors shifting from being reactive to proactive and making sure that drr are mainstreamed in every program and  projects they have. making sure that the community no matter how complex or un-united have strengthened their capacities.

i know for myself that i am far from being a drr champion but at least i keep on trying and changing.  i wont promise to commit one hundred percent but the discipline and the very little way im doing in no time i will get there!


ako si killua, blogger

#icommittodrr

Thursday, October 4, 2012

my friday smells...like this :)

i am a perfume lover and i love my friday smell! i say no no to make-up just a hypoallergenic baby powder.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

and youre going back to america!



you never know how happy i am that you're going back to america. you're aint fit her ate madel. america is your world. goodluck!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I want to live the rest of my life the best of my life.




For the last 28 years my life has never been that good and never been that bad. I have perfect flaws which tell me I am a full bloom human! I’ve done a lot of crazy things. I’ve committed a lot of mistakes. I’ve been to different places. I was loved and I loved in return. Things aren’t always the same day by day. I try to live the best I could. I lost my father when I was 25 but life moves on and I prefer to be happy. I got my very first job when I was merely 19. And I proved to myself that I can survive the days better than any other do and i believe that now i can defend my ground better. 

I had always been a positive thinker. I seldom say no. and even if you dont agree as for myself I know I was always a good kid. I fought my brother over the box of chocolates. I wear everything I feel like wearing even if it doesn’t fit me. I love watching cartoon network which has been the ultimate avenue to dissolve things stacked up in my mind and the k-pop helps me to learn asian languages. I am a 50% Ilocano, 25% tagalog  but the attitude I have made me a pure blooded bicolano.

For the last 28 years I have eaten the food I wanted for breakfast, dinner and brunch. Spaghetti has been my national anthem. I even cooked for myself the food I wanted and eat them even if it tastes awful. I was lucky to get a good education. Lucky to taste every specialty they got in town . Learn to speak English. Lucky to wear the shirt and the shoes I want. Lucky to have a lot of slippers and comfortable bed where i get the freedom when I want to sleep and leave the bed. I have hated and loved the Mondays and Fridays and weekends too. I have learned to deceive the alarm clock when it says 6:60 and its time to wake up. Countless shouting of mom its not yet time my alarm said its not 7:00 and its 6:60! There are too many episodes of drag me by the hair to get me up and the nth count of banging myself to the wall too. I just love sleeping. I have drink tons of vitamin c and paracetamol too. I have been robbed not just once but twice.

I have sung a lot of songs. I downloaded a lot from itunes. Watching movies have been my top priority. I lost count of my toy soldiers, knights, cowboys, pirates and tiny robots. I have learned to love my work and had professionally managed to master the art of cramming and  had successfully beat the endless episodes of deadlines. I have become aware of the outcome of irresponsibility too.

Wow! 28 years and counting! I want to thank god for giving me life and for mom for bringing me to the world. for my brother lao for loving me and mom. Likewise to all my relatives who are always there for me. For filling in the gaps I can’t afford for. For providing me everything I needed. For loving me unconditionally. And for all of you who kept on believing in me. For keeping me as a friend, for listening to all my stories. For scolding me that i had been too much.  For teaching me what I need to know and for molding me to become a better person.

Life has a lot to offer we just have to be positive and enjoy our every second on earth. we just have to be contented of what we have and work hard to get every little dream we want. and remember that no matter how tough the day was... we have to make it through! I didn’t usually ask god for much but I know for myself he is always there for me. For this year and the years to come I will make sure to live the rest of my life... the best of my life.